Episode 128: How Attachment Trauma Drives Anxiety, Autoimmunity & Chronic Illness

Listen to Episode 128 →

When Your Body Holds What You Can't Remember

Many people push others away while desperately craving connection. Others battle chronic pain, digestive issues, or autoimmune conditions. Conditions that seem to have no clear cause at all.

The answer often lies in unresolved childhood attachment trauma. Specifically experiences we had before we had words to express. Before we could make sense of what was happening.

This is why someone can have a good childhood. But still struggle with anxiety, digestive problems, or chronic pain. Or autoimmune issues as an adult despite happy memories. The body remembers what the mind has forgotten completely.

In this episode, I break down the biology clearly. How early emotional pain becomes stored in the body permanently. As chronic symptoms that emerge later in life unexpectedly.

You'll discover the six core attachment wounds that shape us. Why the body learns to stay in survival mode. How unresolved early trauma shapes your nervous system today. Your immune system functioning. Your relationships in adulthood. And most importantly, how to become your own safe person.

The Pre-Verbal Trauma That Shapes Everything

Before you could talk, your body was already learning. Learning about safety and danger through every interaction daily. These early experiences shape everything that comes after throughout life.

What matters isn't just what happened to you objectively. But how your nervous system experienced it biologically. This explains the paradox that confuses so many people. Someone can have what looks like a good childhood. But still struggle with anxiety, chronic pain, or autoimmune issues.

The body remembers what the mind has forgotten over time. Your body stores experiences from before you had language. Before you had conscious memory of events that shaped you.

Why Babies Need Holding to Survive

Babies need physical contact to survive biologically, not just emotionally. Their nervous systems require co-regulation from caregivers constantly throughout development. Without it, development is impacted permanently in measurable ways.

This is biological necessity, not just nice to have. When babies aren't held enough, their systems don't learn safety. They develop survival patterns instead of secure attachment patterns.

The Core Pattern: Not Safe to Relax

How to recognize if "it's not safe to relax" runs you. This shows up in specific ways throughout your entire life.

If you can never truly relax completely without anxiety rising. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Always scanning for danger approaching. This might be your core pattern operating underneath everything.

Difficulty resting without guilt following you everywhere you go. Guilt when relaxing even briefly. Feeling like you always need to be productive constantly. Or vigilant without pause. Your body never allows downtime safely.

How Fear Becomes Stored as Illness

How early emotional pain becomes stored in the body. This happens at a biological level over time. Through nervous system programming that persists for your entire life.

That early pain doesn't just disappear naturally. It gets stored biologically in your tissues and cells. Later manifests as chronic physical symptoms in adulthood unexpectedly.

When you experience fear repeatedly as a child, your body stays in stress response continuously without relief. This creates chronic inflammation throughout your entire system.

Chronic inflammation from stored fear leads to chronic illness. Autoimmunity develops over time. Pain syndromes emerge seemingly from nowhere. All from stored emotional experience in early childhood.

The Six Core Attachment Wounds

Six core wounds shape our nervous system and relationships. Understanding which wounds you carry explains your patterns clearly.

Wound 1: I'm Not Safe – The deepest wound of all. When early life taught you the world is dangerous. You can't trust anyone or anything safely.

Wound 2: I'm Not Loved – Feeling fundamentally unlovable at your core. That there's something wrong with you inherently. Makes you unworthy of love from others.

Wound 3: I'm Not Worthy – Believing you don't deserve good things in life. That you're fundamentally deficient or broken somehow.

Wound 4: I'm Not Capable – Feeling incompetent and overwhelmed by life constantly. That you can't handle what others manage easily.

Wound 5: I Don't Belong – Never feeling like you fit in anywhere completely. Always on the outside looking in at life happening.

Wound 6: I'm Not Seen – Feeling invisible and unheard by everyone around you. Like your needs and feelings don't matter to anyone.

Each wound creates specific nervous system patterns that persist. Relationship dynamics that repeat. Health impacts that persist into adulthood.

From Wounds to Chronic Symptoms

The "I'm Not Capable" wound creates chronic overwhelm daily. When caregivers didn't support your growing autonomy adequately, you learned "I can't do this" as core belief. Everything feels like too much now in adulthood. You're constantly overwhelmed by normal life demands others handle.

People-pleasing and chronic pain connect surprisingly and directly. To maintain connection when attachment is insecure, you adapt. If being yourself risks losing connection entirely from others, you learn to please others instead. This requires constant muscular tension and stress response activation. You're always bracing, always performing for others. This creates chronic pain throughout your body over time.

Brain fog, histamine intolerance, and depression stem from wounds. Chronic stress from attachment trauma affects brain function directly. Creates inflammation throughout your system. Results in persistent brain fog daily.

Stress affects mast cells releasing histamine constantly throughout the body. Chronic stress from attachment wounds creates histamine intolerance symptoms. When early attachment taught you your needs don't matter, depression often follows as biological response to helplessness learned.

The Three-Phase Roadmap to Healing

A three-phase roadmap safely heals stored trauma. This structured approach prevents overwhelm and retraumatization from happening.

Phase 1: Safety – First, create felt safety in your body as foundation. Without this foundation, nothing else works effectively. Safety is the prerequisite for all healing work ahead.

Phase 2: Support – Build your capacity to be with sensation gradually. With emotion arising. With memory surfacing. Gradually increase what you can handle without shutdown. Without overwhelm shutting you down completely into freeze.

Phase 3: Expansion – Only after safety and support are established firmly can you expand into processing stored trauma deeply safely. This is when deeper healing happens sustainably over time.

Why this order matters is critical to understand clearly. Skipping to processing without safety and support retraumatizes you. The sequence must be followed for healing sustainability long-term.

Becoming Your Own Safe Person

Most importantly, learning to become your own safe person. This is the ultimate goal of attachment healing work.

What this means is being able to regulate yourself. To provide yourself the safety, love, and care needed. The care you needed as a child but didn't receive.

How to get there is through the three-phase roadmap. Through understanding your wounds deeply and compassionately. Through somatic practices that teach your body safety directly. That safety is possible now in the present moment.

This Episode Is For: 

✓ People with unexplained chronic health issues

✓ Anyone who pushes others away while craving connection

✓ Those with autoimmune conditions and trauma history

✓ Practitioners working with stuck clients

✓ People who had "good childhoods" but still struggle

✓ Anyone with chronic pain, digestive issues, or anxiety

✓ Those interested in attachment trauma biology

✓ People ready to become their own safe person

What You'll Learn

Listen to understand how early attachment trauma before words drives adult anxiety, autoimmunity, and chronic illness throughout life. Discovering the six core attachment wounds affecting you deeply. Not safe, not loved, not worthy, not capable, don't belong, not seen wounds. Why the body remembers clearly what the mind forgot completely. How fear becomes stored as inflammation causing illness over time. The surprising link between people-pleasing and chronic pain. And the three-phase roadmap to safely heal stored trauma. Safety, Support, Expansion phases. To become your own safe person.

Your body holds what you can't remember—but it can heal.

Listen to Episode 128 →

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The information shared reflects my clinical expertise and research, but every person's biology and healing journey is unique. Always consult with qualified healthcare providers before making changes to your treatment plan or starting new interventions. If you're experiencing a mental health crisis, please contact emergency services or a crisis helpline immediately.

Join the Conversation

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this episode. What resonated with you? What questions came up?

Please keep comments respectful and supportive. This is a community of people committed to healing. We welcome diverse perspectives and honest questions, but we don't tolerate personal attacks, spam, or content that could harm others on their healing journey.