Episode 132: Do Babies Who Cry It Out Get Anxiety and Addiction Later in Life? with Dr. Darcia Narvaez

Listen to Episode 132 with Dr. Darcia Narvaez →

When Popular Parenting Methods Have Hidden Costs

Early parenting choices like sleep training can affect brain development. They affect how babies' brains and bodies develop for years to come. Many well-meaning parents follow these popular methods without knowing the consequences. They trust the experts who recommend these approaches widely.

Only to see their kids later struggle with anxiety or depression. Or behavioral issues that seem to come out of nowhere. The connection to early parenting isn't always obvious to parents.

Early attachment and nervous system development shape a child's mental health. In ways we don't always see at the time they're happening. Everything that happens in the first years of life matters greatly. It helps build their brain, nervous system, and ability to feel safe.

From how you respond to your baby's cries. To how connected they feel with you as their caregiver. These moment-to-moment interactions shape development. Even common parenting habits can create hidden stress in children. Things that seem normal or recommended can actually be harmful.

In this episode, Dr. Darcia Narvaez joins me to discuss what babies really need for healthy brain development and emotional safety. And attachment forming securely with their caregivers consistently over time.

You'll learn how parents and practitioners can begin repairing early childhood trauma and help heal the nervous system. No matter the age of the person receiving help now.

Dr. Darcia Narvaez is a Professor of Psychology Emerita at the University of Notre Dame where she's dedicated her career. She co-founded the Evolved Nest Initiative whose nonprofit mission is sharing her science research into developing appropriate baselines for wellness. And providing guidelines for fostering full human potential in development.

How Sleep Training Disrupts Development

Sleep training and crying it out disrupt a baby's developing system. This isn't just behavioral, it's biological, affecting brain wiring permanently. During critical periods of brain development, babies need responsiveness from caregivers. Their nervous systems are wiring based on whether needs are met.

When babies cry and no one comes, their stress response activates. Over and over, this teaches their nervous system the world is unsafe. This repeated stress during development affects how the vagus nerve develops. How stress response systems calibrate for life. How the child learns to regulate emotions and stress responses.

Early Separations and Later Mental Health

The link between early separations and anxiety exists clearly in research. Depression and attachment issues later in life connect to early separations. Babies are biologically designed to be with their caregivers.

Separation triggers distress that affects their developing brain and body. Years later, these early separations can show up as anxiety disorders. Depression, difficulty with relationships, and attachment issues in adulthood. The research backing these connections is substantial and clear now.

How Your Childhood Influences You Now

Your own childhood experiences influence your health now as an adult. Your relationships and your parenting style now with your children. We often parent how we were parented without conscious awareness.

What happened to you as a child affects how you parent. These patterns pass down unless consciously interrupted through healing work. Early experiences affect your physical health as an adult significantly. Chronic stress in childhood creates vulnerability to illness later in life.

How you learned to attach in childhood becomes your template for adult relationships, whether secure or insecure patterns. You tend to parent the way you were parented automatically. Unless you've done healing work to interrupt these automatic patterns.

Practical Ways to Rebuild Connection

Practical ways to rebuild connection and help your child's nervous system. These approaches work at any age to repair attachment wounds.

Being present and calm with your child allows co-regulation happening. Your regulated nervous system helps regulate theirs through proximity and attunement. Really seeing and responding to your child's needs teaches them important lessons. This teaches them they matter and the world is responsive.

When you miss the mark, repair the rupture that occurred. Apologize, reconnect, show them mistakes can be fixed through repair. Being reliably available builds trust and safety in your child's system.

Why the Vagus Nerve Matters

The vagus nerve is essential for emotional regulation in children. This nerve is the key to regulation capacity throughout life. The nerve connects brain to body and controls parasympathetic calm response.

It develops through early relationships with responsive caregivers over time. Through responsive caregiving when babies cry and are soothed repeatedly. Their vagus nerve learns to activate and calm them down. If babies' cries aren't responded to, their vagus nerve doesn't develop properly. They struggle with emotional regulation for their entire life.

How Medical Procedures Cause Trauma

Common newborn medical procedures can cause lasting trauma in babies. Things we consider routine can be traumatic for newborn infants. Circumcision, heel sticks, vaccinations, separation from mother after birth. These are painful and frightening for newborns experiencing them.

Babies have no context for what's happening to them. They just experience pain and fear without comfort or explanation. These early traumas can affect how the child's pain response develops. How their stress response calibrates for life. How they experience medical care throughout their lifetime.

What Children Really Need

Children need love and connection, not constant performance for approval. Unconditional love teaches children they're loved for who they are. Not what they do or achieve or how they perform. When love feels conditional on being good, smart, or successful, children develop anxiety and conditional self-worth that persists into adulthood.

Felt connection and safety are what allow children to develop into emotionally healthy adults who can regulate themselves. Everything else in development builds on this secure foundation established.

For Practitioners and Parents

Understanding how early attachment trauma affects adult clients is essential. Anxiety, depression, relationship struggles, chronic health issues in adults. These often trace back to early attachment disruptions in childhood. You must address the nervous system and attachment wounds healing. Not just symptoms presenting but underlying patterns from early life.

For parents looking for nervous system regulation techniques to use. And co-regulation strategies to support your child at any age. Breathing together, being calmly present, physical comfort work directly. These directly support your child's developing nervous system every day. Your nervous system regulating your child's is the primary way children learn to regulate themselves over time.

The Science Behind Better Parenting

This episode offers research-based understanding, not just opinions about parenting. Dr. Narvaez brings decades of scientific study to these questions. Not just understanding but actual strategies you can use right away. Both to prevent harm and to repair it after it's occurred.

These principles and practices work whether your child is an infant. Or you're healing your own childhood trauma as an adult. It's never too late to create healing and repair.

Sleep training is controversial for good reason backed by research. The research on its effects is concerning but often ignored. Babies stop crying not because they've learned to self-soothe successfully. But because they've learned no one will come to help. This learned helplessness affects brain development, stress response, and attachment. The convenience for parents has developmental consequences for children.

The Hope for Repair

Even if early attachment was disrupted, healing is possible. The nervous system maintains plasticity throughout life, allowing change. The repair process requires creating new experiences of safety consistently. Responsiveness and connection building what was missing early on.

Therapists can offer corrective attachment experiences through therapeutic relationships formed. Parents can repair with their children at any age. It's never too late to become more responsive and attuned. You can reparent yourself and heal early trauma through intentional work.

This Episode Is For: 

✓ Parents questioning sleep training methods

✓ Practitioners treating clients with anxiety, depression, or addiction

✓ Anyone interested in early childhood development

✓ Parents wanting to understand their child's behavior

✓ Adults healing their own childhood trauma

✓ Practitioners needing to understand attachment trauma

✓ Parents seeking co-regulation strategies

✓ Anyone wanting science-backed parenting guidance

What You'll Learn

Listen to Dr. Darcia Narvaez explain how sleep training and crying it out disrupts developing nervous systems in babies. The link between early separations and later anxiety, depression, and attachment issues showing up in adolescence and adulthood. How your own childhood experiences influence your health now and your parenting patterns with your own children currently. Why the vagus nerve is essential for children's emotional regulation and develops through responsive caregiving from attuned parents over time. How common newborn medical procedures cause lasting trauma in infants. Why children need unconditional love, not performance-based approval. And practical ways to rebuild connection and help your child's nervous system heal at any age through co-regulation, attunement, repair, and consistency building trust and safety.

Early attachment shapes lifelong health—but repair is always possible.

Listen to Episode 132 with Dr. Darcia Narvaez →

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The information shared reflects my clinical expertise and research, but every person's biology and healing journey is unique. Always consult with qualified healthcare providers before making changes to your treatment plan or starting new interventions. If you're experiencing a mental health crisis, please contact emergency services or a crisis helpline immediately.

Join the Conversation

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this episode. What resonated with you? What questions came up?

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