Episode 53: Sexual Grief: More Than Just Sexual Trauma with Edy Nathan

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses suicide and sexual trauma

Listen to Episode 53 with Edy Nathan →

The Loss Underneath the Trauma

You've processed your sexual trauma in therapy and understand what happened to you. You've done EMDR or somatic work to address the traumatic memories. But something still feels unresolved in your body and in your capacity for intimacy.

What if there's a layer underneath the trauma that needs attention? What if you need to grieve what was lost, not just process what happened?

Sexual grief isn't the same as sexual trauma, though they're deeply connected. Understanding this difference matters for your complete healing and recovery.

Edy Nathan joins me today as an author, public speaker, and licensed therapist in New York City. We take a deep dive into what sexual grief actually is and why it needs its own attention in trauma work beyond just processing the traumatic events.

Understanding Sexual Grief

Sexual trauma creates profound losses that extend far beyond the traumatic event itself. Loss of safety in your own body and in the world. Loss of trust in yourself, in others, and in your ability to protect yourself. Loss of connection to your body, your sexuality, and your sense of wholeness. These losses need grieving separately from processing the trauma.

Most people focus only on processing the traumatic event through therapy approaches designed for trauma. But the grief from what was lost deserves its own attention and space. Processing trauma and grieving loss aren't the same thing, though both are necessary for complete healing.

Edy brings to light the profound impact that sexually traumatic experiences have that extends into every aspect of life. The sexual grief effect isn't static or fixed but evolves over time. It shifts shape as you move through different life stages. It manifests uniquely in each person based on their particular losses and circumstances.

Understanding the Biology of Trauma® reveals how sexual grief lives in your nervous system and body tissues. The losses from sexual trauma get stored biologically alongside the trauma memories themselves. Your body holds the grief about what was taken from you even as it holds the trauma of what was done to you.

How Sexual Grief Shows Up

Disconnection from your body is one of the primary ways sexual grief manifests over time. You can't feel what's happening in your body or you avoid feeling it intentionally. This disconnection serves as protection but also represents grief over losing embodied presence and safety.

Inability to feel pleasure or allow yourself intimacy reflects sexual grief's impact on your capacity for connection. Relationship struggles that seem disconnected from the original trauma often trace back to unresolved sexual grief. These aren't just trauma symptoms requiring processing but grief responses that need acknowledgment and expression.

We apply Internal Family Systems techniques to sexual grief by recognizing that different parts of you hold different aspects of this loss. Some parts grieve the innocence or trust that was destroyed. Some parts protect you from feeling the full weight of the grief. Some parts hold shame about what happened or about your body's responses.

Combining somatic work with parts work addresses sexual grief where it lives in your physical body. You notice where you feel the loss in your tissues and organs. How the grief has settled into particular areas creating tension, numbness, or pain. Working with both the parts and the soma creates more complete healing than either approach alone.

Working With the Parts That Hold Grief

Edy guides us through intentional transformative conversations with the different parts holding sexual grief inside your system. These conversations create healing that processing the traumatic event alone can't reach. Each part has its own relationship to the loss and needs its own attention.

The part that grieves needs permission to feel the full weight of what was lost without being rushed toward acceptance or moving on. The part that protects needs appreciation for how it's kept you functioning despite the losses. The part that holds shame needs compassion and the truth that what happened wasn't your fault.

Sexual grief plays a specific role in your healing path that's distinct from trauma processing. Addressing it changes your relationship with your body fundamentally. With intimacy and vulnerability in relationships. With yourself and your capacity for pleasure, connection, and embodied presence.

When you give sexual grief its own attention rather than treating it as just another trauma symptom, you create space for a different kind of healing. You acknowledge not just what happened but what was taken from you. You grieve not just the events but the losses that continue affecting you. You work with your body's holding of grief alongside your mind's processing of trauma.

Edy's work demonstrates that survivors of sexual trauma need both trauma processing and grief work for complete healing. The trauma needs to be addressed through appropriate therapeutic approaches. And the losses need to be grieved through processes that honor what was taken and support your reconnection with your body, your sexuality, and your capacity for intimate connection.

This Episode Is For:

✓ Survivors of sexual trauma who've processed the event but still feel stuck 

✓ Anyone disconnected from their body or sexuality after trauma 

✓ Practitioners working with clients where sexual trauma and grief intersect 

✓ Those who've done trauma work but struggle with intimacy 

✓ Anyone recognizing unresolved grief about what trauma took from them 

✓ People ready to address the losses underneath the trauma

What You'll Learn

Listen to understand what sexual grief is and why addressing it separately from sexual trauma matters for complete healing and embodied recovery. Discover how to work with the parts holding different aspects of sexual grief. Learn why grieving what was lost is essential alongside processing what happened.

Sexual trauma creates losses that need their own grieving process beyond trauma processing.

Listen to Episode 53 with Edy Nathan →

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The information shared reflects my clinical expertise and research, but every person's biology and healing journey is unique. Always consult with qualified healthcare providers before making changes to your treatment plan or starting new interventions. If you're experiencing a mental health crisis, please contact emergency services or a crisis helpline immediately.

Join the Conversation

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this episode. What resonated with you? What questions came up?

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